Here I have everything to say but nothing to write because according to Roman 7:23:
I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner
I meditate and feel a ball of fire. I smile and feel misery. I try and think of my family and come up with nothing but this negative energy that consumes my being. The storyteller in my mind keeps changing the station, my perspective, my objectives, my todos. It is random too. It is mental slavery.
I fight back by shutting my eyes and mentally picturing my objectives and I tell myself I will do this and have fun.
Why is this happening to me?
Apparently, I don’t listen to Jesus. Now, before you judge me, let me explain.
When I am in spirit we all know to listen to your heart and not your mind. In spirit I am happy, boundless, enthusiastic, an explorer. Below was the beginning of my awakening.
I have heard Jesus before, I have spoke to him.
But now I am not in spirit and things are upside down. So I put effort in to smile and laugh (and it shows)
I say how can I trust you? I stopped listening to my heart when a voice said something about his private area. That’s when I said ok, I am talking to some spirit that refuses to leave.
But I listened a few times and went nowhere.
I have learned when you are not in spirit, do not listen to the heart. Should I listen to my mind? Is it backwards? Yes.
If you are not aware I am homeless. I sleep in a car. I taught children before the doors were shut in schools and church due to the plague going around.
I did alot of driving today in Midvale and Provo, Utah:
I had a few questions on the highway this late afternoon when letters were flying out the dump truck onto my rental:
What kind of angel comes out of thin air, looks at your muscles and says, “Hey, let’s wrestle.”
I am talking about Jacob and his spiritual awakening before he became Isreal. Yes, your name changes after a spiritual awakening. But I am certain God fills you in on all the details. He does not leave you hanging!
But Jacob laid his head on a rock and said, ok, if this is God promising me these gifts I will do it. Let me trust this voice and see what happens next.
When I realized I was mentally wrestling with an angel it flew out of me and jumped on the ceiling. 🙉 Yes, literally.
I fought for my soul and I won.
Always act like Jacob, move your feet and take the risk because you have life to gain.
I prefer the holy spirit, not the evil spirit.
I work for God:
Here is the other question. Is the imagery I saw a sign for me?
I had spiritual gifts that I wrote in 3 books. I am writing even though my books were taken from me. Yes, I was robbed like the twin of Jesus. His double. I didn’t go out in a midst floating away with books in tow. I cried and grieved after my work dissappeared.
My opportunities can be revived. They can come back to life. The mail flew away and will eventually be in someone elses hands. Will it be read? That is not the point.
The words on the pages are free.
Why not say what was left behind? Why not try? The remnants, bits and pieces can be mended.
In the supernatural what you see is tangible.
The most important line in my lost writings:
We can change the world.